Emperor Wakamoto: A Soul Untempered by Undying Luv
by Cloister Black
Summary: The thrilling tale of a man and his Empire, lost to the sands of time or something. Now with Schitzel and Crispin Freeman.
1. Chapter 1

It was a sunny day in Britannia and the Emperor was being all magnificent in wherever he lives. Let's say a palace. Yeah, probably a palace.

Emperor Wakamoto walked down the hallway, which was nice because it was HIS hallway, and if anyone questioned his ownership of such hallway, he could just make them go away because he was the Emperor and he could do whatever he wanted because he was the Emperor.

"Your Majesty the Emperor!" came the voice of a person behind His Majesty the Emperor. Emperor Wakamoto turned around to see the source of this voice who was a chancellor or a minister or something. Let's call him Junior Undersecretary for Trade with the Euro Universe. Yeah, that sounds plausible.

"FOR WHAT REASON DO YOU STOP MY WALKING?" said Emperor Wakamoto, who wasn't particularly angry but was just so awesome that he always spoke in all caps.

The Junior Undersecretary told him that Princess Number Twenty-Seven had just come back from an important meeting in Paris and that European leaders were willing to negotiate a slight decrease in their tariff on Britannian goods.

"HMMM." said Emperor Wakamoto, who considered the political implications of this. If the Euro Universe was importing more Britannian products, the demand for the Britannian Pound would increase and Britannian aggregate demand would shift right, leading to an increase in output and price levels. While the increased inflation would be a slightly negative repercussion, Wakamoto had been attempting to stimulate Britannian production following the outsourcing of so many companies' jobs to the Chinese Federation, and so generally thought well of this.

"VERY WELL!" he said to the Junior Undersecretary, and then turned around so that his cape swished impressively. "INFORM PRINCESS TWENTY-SEVEN THAT NEGOTIATIONS SHOULD BE PRESSED TO THE GREATEST OF OUR ABILITY AND THAT WE WOULD BE WILLING TO INCREASE OUR IMPORT QUOTAS ON GOODS FROM THE E.U."

"Yes, Your Majesty!" replied the Junior Undersecretary, who preferred not to do much conversing with the Emperor, for fear of being demoted or something. He gave the requisite salute and "All Hail Britannia" and then walked backwards the rest of the way down the hall to avoid committing a faux pas by turning his back on His Majesty.

The Emperor entered an arbitrary room, made less arbitrary by the people who were also in it. One of his four hundred consorts happened to be there, and so she acknowledged his presence by prostrating herself or something. The Emperor couldn't remember her name, so he just said, "ALL HAIL BRITANNIA" and moved on impressively. It was the sort of thing people expected from him anyway, so he did it often when he wanted to avoid people or get somewhere without interruptions.

And that is what he wanted to do on this particular day, because it was very important that he get to Brooding Room Number Nine; he had some important brooding to do. Walking the hallway leading to Breeding Rooms Number One through Ten, (as the palace was arranged alphabetically for your convenience) he turned and was almost where he wanted to be, when SUDDENLY

His cell phone rang. That was pretty annoying.

Emperor Wakamoto didn't really like having a cell phone, because that sort of thing is not what Emperors have to do. They have people to have cell phones for them. However, court officials had attempted to convince him to carry one; normally, that wouldn't sway him, but then he found out he could get a special ring tone that played his favorite song. Hearing "You Spin Me Right Round" intermittently throughout the day made the annoyance of being bothered unexpectedly tolerable.

He answered it. "EMPEROR WAKAMOTO SPEAKING."

The voice on the other end of the line was that of Richard Lazarus, the Duke of Boston and Joint Chief of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. "Your Majesty, my apologies for the disturbance. We have an emergency situation."

"WHAT EMERGENCY?"

"There has been an attack in Vancouver. ...We are still unsure of the situation, but Her Majesty has gone missing during her tour of the city. She may have been captured by The Terrorists."

"WHERE WAS HER GUARD?!?" shouted Emperor Wakamoto into the phone. Now he was mad.

"They were caught off guard... (haha) The scale of this attack appears to be implausibly great, although we are still controlling the situation and need additional time to-"

Emperor Wakamoto crushed the phone in his right hand and then said, "!", because he was pretty annoyed now. "Losing Her Majesty Roslina Ni Britannia would be unacceptable!" he thought to himself, "Without her, who will prepare the Special Omelets?!"


	2. Chapter 2

In the city of Vancouver, everyone was in a hubbub over what had happened. It was bad. Not just bad, but BAD. There was debris everywhere; even in the debris storage facilities. Of course, that was normal. But this... this wasn't.

"Such a needless waste of human life." said Prince Schneizel el Britannia, his arms (appropriately) resting on the armrests of his favorite chair. He surveyed the destruction with a displeased look, and then flipped his hair and turned to his extremely camp sidekick, whose name escapes me at the moment. "Do we have the casualty count?"

His camp sidekick handed him a clipboard. "Around two hundred dead, five hundred wounded. Of course, those are just preliminary estimates."

His Highness looked at the clipboard for a minute before handing it back. He didn't actually know what to do in a situation like this, but since he had been in town at the time he figured he'd better at least LOOK like he was doing something. He didn't even manage that. So he waited in his chair on the airborne aircraft carrier Avalon just... sitting. Hey, it was better than nothing.

Down below, Diethard Ried surveyed the footage his news crews had taken of the rubble and the attack site. Today's terrorist attacks were so boring... always this "plant a bomb here, die for their cause there..." Terrorists had no idea how to run a show. He had just got off the phone with Richard Lazarus, who had ordered the withholding of any details important to national security... Which was basically everything. Diethard sighed and brushed his stupid hair out of his face. What he wouldn't give to take on a real story, one worthy of his Intrepid Journalistic talent. But, looks like that wasn't happening. Placing his hand on his butt chin, he sat back and dreamed a dream of the day we call today and other overly poetic nonsense like that.

Even further below, the real people with real problems were attempting to deal with those problems as best they could. Which was not well. The terrorists had hit a pretty major part of the city's Subway, and on top of that they hit the underground as well. So not only could people not get their five-dollar footlongs, but they also couldn't get around. With people still trapped underground in the wreckage, and relief slow to arrive, it appeared that what was a bad situation was only going to get worse through the Britannian government's mishandling of the affair.

Rivalz Cardemonde was one such trapped under the wreckage, and it appeared that he was alone. The young lad had been on holiday to Vancouver to visit his elderly grandmother when, in spite of his amazing irrelevance, he had been caught in the terrorist attack aimed at Her Majesty. "Gee, I sure wish I hadn't been caught in this terrorist attack on my visit to see my elderly grandmother in Vancouver!" he yelled to himself, because he's just the kind of idiot to do that sort of thing. Still, it appeared that he wasn't getting out of this area any time soon, and it was pretty dark. And the oxygen was probably running out. What was it that happened when oxygen runs out again...? Something to do with... pizza?

Suddenly, however, Rivalz heard a noise from above him. It sounded like pizza... no, wait, the other thing! It sounded like RESCUERS! And, sure enough, Rivalz began to see a ray of light reach down from a space a few feet above him. He struggled to reach his arm towards this wonderous light, this spindle of hope... It was almost there...

A rock hit him in the face as the wreckage continued to be cleared. Served him right, dumbass. He fell over onto himself as the rest of the wreckage gave way to reveal

"JEREMIAH GOTTWALD, here to save the day!"

A man with green hair and a robot eye leaned through the gap in debris, a crazy smile on his face. "HM! A civilian! Just as I had THOUGHT!" he yelled, at no one in particular. "Sayoko! I've found another one!"

Rivalz tried to get up but failed a couple of times because he was just so crappy. He did at least manage to utter a "Bzuh?" before falling the second time, and on the third try Jeremiah grabbed his arm.

"Please, don't try to move! You are not properly equppied to deal with this situation!"

With one ridiculous tug, he fished Rivalz out of the hole and into daylight. If Rivalz had been smarter and more relevant to the plot, he might have remarked aloud that physics doesn't work that way. But it does for JEREMIAH GOTTWALD!

"Can you walk, sir? Please, allow us to help in any way possible." said a woman who was suddenly crouching next to him.

"Hey, aren't you the maid at my ordinary high school?" asked Rivalz, since she was indeed.

"I am a maid. But I am also a ninja." said Sayoko Shinozaki, thirty-seventh successor to the Shinozaki School of ninja martial arts. (and housekeeping)

In the time that the spotlight had not been on him, Jeremiah had jumped an impossible distance across town and picked up some medical personnel, then jumped all the way back and set them down. They were quite disoriented from the flight.

"Yes, yes, everyone's a little sick their first time." said Jeremiah. "Of course, I wasn't, because I am a ROBOT."

The medical personnel, whose names will not be given because they are so amazingly unimportant, began to look over Rivalz for any serious wounds. And with that, Jeremiah shouted, "May fortune find you well, citizen!" and he and Sayoko jumped off to save more lives.

"Whoa." said Rivalz.


	3. Chapter 3

Papers were stacked high on the desk of Prince Odysseus Eu Britannia, the beloved and well-renowned First Prince of the Empire. He looked over the various reports coming in with concerned eyes, which certainly made sense. There was a lot of concerning to do. For one thing, the reports seemed to be presenting information that was mutually exclusive; one report claimed that of the terrorists apprehended, the majority were Arab; another claimed that they were all Elevens. Still another would have him believe that there were in fact no terrorists at all. Sorting fact from fiction was apparently to be the task here... As was so often the case with Britannian intelligence. Odysseus sighed.

"That was a pretty audible sigh, brother. You should be careful... Loud sounds can mask your enemy's movement."

Odysseus spun around to see the source of the voice he had just heard; it was his sister Cornelia Li Britannia. She was... um, hanging from the ceiling. Her face was inches from his, and he thought it pretty likely that she had knives in more than four different locations on her person. Oh, this was too much of a joke... Cornelia was scary enough even when she wasn't sneaking up on you like batman.

"Cornelia! I...er, didn't expect you there. How did you get in here?"

She walked around to the front of his desk and dropped another piece of paper on it. "If I told you, it wouldn't be special. The Emperor wants to see you, by the way."

Odysseus, still reeling from the shock, grabbed the piece of paper. He'd have another ten gray hairs after that, but that's just how Cornelia was. Always.

"What... Immediately? I thought we were supposed to get these requests in advance..." He frowned, but there was the Emperor's trademark handwriting. All caps, two-inch high letters. Like he was shouting at the page as he was writing it.

"Do you think he cares about giving appropriate notice?" asked Cornelia, looking off to the side. "He doesn't. Now come on, let's go."

It wasn't smart to keep the Emperor waiting, much less Cornelia, so Odysseus agreed. He'd have to get back to trying to take care of that intelligence nonsense later.

The siblings arrived in the Emperor's imperial announcing room rather quickly, despite the absurd size of the Pendragon palace. It helped if you cut through the kitchen. The room was as it usually was; unnecessarily large, dark, and with a couple of guys in silly outfits standing over in the corner. Odysseus always felt bad for those guys. They probably got paid minimum wage, had to remain upright for hours on end, and got no opportunity for advancement. And that was Britannian minimum wage, by the way. Which means, nothing.

The Emperor himself seemed to be out. This was rather strange, as he was the one who had demanded their presence. Maybe he forgot... he tended to do that sometimes.

"MAKE WAY!" said the Emperor from off-screen. "MOVE IT, FATHEAD! BEAT IT, HEADFACE!"

He made his way from backstage onto the throne in a matter of minutes. The narration here makes it sound like it happened quicker than it did, but he kept stopping to look at stuff and pick up the model of Jupiter he was balancing on his head. In the end he decided to screw it and just kick it around instead.

"A little late, aren't you, father?" asked Cornelia, who was visibly annoyed.

"YES, YES, I'M DEADER THAN I WAS YESTERDAY." said the Emperor. "WHAT OF IT?"

That shut her up.

"ODYSSEUS! WE HAVE A SITUATION!" he said, looking at Cornelia.

"Yes, it seems so. I'm afraid our intelligence is quite patchy at the moment, however. I would suggest we avoid taking action until new information is available, your highness."

The Emperor now looked at Odysseus, and he seemed to at least match up the face with the name. This was an improvement.

"NONSENSE! WE MUST TAKE VENGEANCE FOR THIS OFFENSE COMMITTED AGAINST US!"

"An imprudent act may cause us only further harm, your majesty. Regardless, we've still no confirmation of the identities of those responsible. And of course, disaster control must come first."

"IT WAS THE ELEVENS." said the Emperor. "I KNOW IT WAS THEM!"

Odysseus frowned. He was pretty good at that. "Elevens? How can your majesty be sure?"

"JUPITER TOLD ME!"

Okay, this was one of those moments where things were a little bit awkward. The Emperor had this thing about Jupiter. He was pretty knowledgeable about it, but he also seemed to think it was a person or something; it wasn't always clear exactly what was going on there. Odysseus also wasn't sure if the Emperor really thought that Jupiter was talking to him, or if he was just screwing with them; given how the Emperor got his kicks, it was hard to say.

"Very well, father." said Cornelia, who was always happy to help when killing elevens was involved. "Shall I take a regiment over to punish those stupid elevens?"

"AT ONCE. WE CANNOT LET THEM GET AWAY WITH THIS ANY LONGER."

"Yes, your majesty." said Cornelia, who then turned and left at quite the pace. Normally you're not supposed to turn your back on a reigning monarch while in their throne room, but Cornelia was badass.

Odysseus really wished that they would stop being so cartoonishly evil whenever some plot contrivance would occur, and he was about to voice these concerns; however, before he realized it, the meeting was over. That was quick.

He went back to his office, and it turned out that it actually was the elevens. Huh, go figure.


	4. Chapter 4

It was cold in Japan today. Sorry, I mean Area 11. Those stupid elevens just didn't get that if their country was less cold, people might not hate it so much. Admittedly, there was probably something else involved in that whole thing, but whatever.

Kaname Ohgi stood outside of the Black Knights' headquarters, waiting for the other members to arrive. It wasn't like it was particularly early or anything, but only Tamaki and Minami had showed up. Ohgi crossed his arms and shifted a little bit, looked at his watch a couple of times, then went back to doing nothing. He was a pretty boring guy.

"Hey Minami, where the hell is everybody?! You sure this is the right time?!" yelled Tamaki. You'd think that he'd want to keep his voice down given that they were terrorists and everything, but I guess not. The Britannians usually didn't come around to this part of town anyway, and they probably wouldn't suspect the Black Knights to have their headquarters in some crappy RV. Their headquarters, by the way, was a crappy RV. Zero had seemed really pleased about getting it, but it seemed like more of a hassle than anything else. I mean, they had it parked under an overpass temporarily, but what if a cop came by and ticketed it? They'd have to find some other place to park it, and parking is always the hardest part. Ohgi preferred it back when they just had the crappy little apartment back in Shibuya, since at least that pla

"HEY OHGI!" Tamaki had finished annoying Minami and had evidently decided to pester Ohgi. "Zero didn't give you the keys to this thing did he?! I'm freezing out here!"

"Uh, no." said Ohgi. "I don't think he'll be much longer, though."

"Yes, we should trust in Zero and hold out until he arrives." said Minami, clenching his fist as a symbol of his determination.

His determination wasn't going to get them very far, however, as Zero called about five minutes later.

"It's too cold!" he had told Ohgi over the phone, his characteristic overacting coming in louder than Ohgi's ear appreciated. "I'm not coming in today! We'll reschedule for next week!"

So then they went home. It was about as productive as any day was, really.

Just as the Black Knights had finished today's dastardly operation, however, the Britannians were already preparing one hell of a counterinsurgency. The entire government bureau was in a buzz over the arrival of Princess Cornelia, third princess of the Empire and commander of the entire Imperial Army. It was rumored that Cornelia accepted the position of Viceroy of Area 11 solely to visit her sister Euphemia, who was currently on holiday in the Tokyo Settlement; only idiots would buy that, though.

Euphemia herself was excited about seeing her sister again, but also nervous about her arrival. Cornelia did tend to be a little violent when it came to doing anything. To relax herself, she'd decided to spend most of the day with her newest eleven friend, Suzaku Kururugi.

"Oh Suzaku, you're such a card!" Euphemia giggled after he did something stupid. It sure was funny the way he tended to hurt himself. His latest injury had been caused by his having attempted to run down the stairs outside the government bureau a little too fast; he'd fallen flat on his face. Heheh, stupid eleven.

"I guess I should watch where I'm going next time." he said, getting up off the ground. This was a pretty dangerous thing to do in Britannia, since most Britannians believed that all elevens should be on the ground all the time. Suzaku smiled and sat down on the stairs next to Euphemia, saying "That could have been really nasty!"

It was still nasty anyway, because he was talking, but Euphemia didn't see it that way. "Here, your face is a mess. Let me get that for you." She took out a pretty princess handkerchief and wiped some of the crap off of his face in a pretty princess way. It was a shame that she could actually wipe his face off, but there are physical limitations to these things. Afterwards, they sat around awhile doing not much of anything.

"So, I heard that Princess Cornelia is coming to be the new Viceroy." said Suzaku.

"Yes, she's been sent to search for the terrorists responsible for Her Majesty's assassination."

Suzaku balled his fists and got more intense. "Those terrorists… When will they ever learn that violence isn't the answer!? Nothing good can come from going against the rules!"

"It's true, that these attacks haven't been helping anyone." said Euphemia. "But if we could soften our governing of the Japanese, maybe the terrorists would stop some of these things. I'm afraid my sister Cornelia doesn't understand doing such things… If she's going to be the new viceroy, things will probably only get worse…"

Suzaku looked a little bit confused. "But Britannia can't give in to terrorists!"

Euphemia was about to reply to this when suddenly Suzaku flew forward several feet, landing on his face once again. She turned to see her sister Cornelia land on the stairs next to her; she had apparently just performed a running jump kick.

"Euphemia, are you alright? It was lucky I arrived when I did; that eleven was dangerously close!" she said, striking a triumphant pose as Suzaku struggled around on the ground. "Guilford!"

"Yes, princess!" came the voice of Gilbert G. P. Guilford, who rushed down the stairs and grabbed Suzaku's arms. "Eleven! Don't move! Stay where you are!"

Euphemia got to her feet, a look of moral indignation on her face. "Cornelia, this is my friend! He wasn't doing anything wrong!"

"He was guilty of the crime of being an eleven." said Cornelia. "Stupid elevens, will you ever learn?"

Euphemia rushed over to Suzaku and yelled at Guilford. That wasn't very nice, because the guy was just doing his job. Anyway, she tried to help Suzaku off the ground, but it seemed like he was actively trying to remain there. Stupid eleven.

At this point it seemed that what Euphemia had said had finally reached Cornelia. "What?! Friends, with an eleven?! Impossible!"

Euphemia glared at her. Cornelia glared back.

This exchange lasted several minutes, during which Guilford made quite the effort to look directly at the sky and not say anything. Then, finally, Cornelia gave in.

"Very well." she said, turning away. "I never could say no to you. Keep your little hobby." she slowly walked away.

"I apologize for this. I'm sorry." said Guilford to Euphemia. Then he walked away as well.

"Oh, Suzaku, you're not hurt, are you?" said Euphemia.

He was, and he deserved it.


End file.
